Artificial stupidity: or, the Tri-state Blues

Smarmney

2012-01-19T18:36:00.000-08:00

Just taking a few seconds out to coin this nickname in Google. As a died in the wool Democrat, the game we play is "Which Republican would make you less suicidal if he won?" My problem with Romney is that he reminds me of an animated Ken doll. Every time he opens his mouth it reminds you of the time George Bush Sr. went shopping at Penney's so he could pretend to be normal for the cameras. Phoniness just flows out like artificial honey. Then there is Gingrich who I absolutely despise. Santorum is scary because he absolutely believes this nonsense. As for Ron Paul - thanks for being against the wars like me. Sorry you feel the way you do about minorities. Stay healthy, Obama.

Hometown Blues

2011-06-07T12:29:00.000-07:00

I was back in Phoenix for my dad's 90th birthday family reunion Friday night. That left me with Saturday free, so I made plans to take a photographic expedition, starting with Wickenburg (the town where my parents were married in 1942). The expedition was the brainchild of my old friend from college days on, Ken St. Andre.

I am the instigator of Ken's four decade run at the Phoenix Public Library. I told him before the interview to keep two things in mind. In any situational question, always answer in a way that shows that you support higher authority. Secondly, I knew they would ask him if he knows anyone at the library. "Under now circumstances tell them that you know me." Somewhere along the way we even published a book together called Blundering Blades - a collection of stories about our adventures in the past meeting up with Conan and various evil wizards. If you own one of the ten copies in existence, all I can say is "sorry."

Now that Ken is retired, he has time for more ambitious meetups than just going out for breakfast. For my part of the expedition, I supplied transportation and made a couple of CDs inspired by the concept of high adventure in Arizona. This included Steve Earle's Hometown Blues, Robert Hunter's Boys in the Barroom, the Dropkick Murphys Wild Rover and Jerry Garcia's Old and in the Way. I saw on the map that there was a town called Nothing, AZ about an hour past Wickenburg.

When I picked Ken up he had added his son Cory to the expedition, which brought the median age in the car down below 50. We decided to breakfast in Wickenburg and then go on to find Nothing. Breakfast was great, but then I took the western highway instead of the northwest road to Williams. By the time we realized it, we were in Salome, so we poked around and photographed a few desolate spots before heading to the interstate for a quick ride home.

When I got back, I found that I had accidentally run the video part of my camera when it was in my pocket, and it managed to erase most of my Wickenburg shots, so I will have to declare Ken the 'King of Wickenburg" until the next time I'm out. I'm still happy with the Salome shots for the most part, so that will have to do for now. Meantime, go check out Ken at http://atroll.wordpress.com/2011/06/05/a-five-hawk-day/#comments A more complete collection of photos can be found at http://upload.pbase.com/edit_gallery/terryballard/wickenburgsalome . See Steve Earle's Hometown blues at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N1sLEJ6RUOI

Arizona - America's Hate State

2010-04-27T12:47:00.000-07:00

My home state has finally gone off the deep end. After acting to solve the main problem in the state, not enough guns, they have enacted a law setting up a breathtaking program to create a racial profile police state. My mother is mad at me for talking like a New Yorker, but even she admits that this law will not solve any of the real problems of the state. I'm so embarassed at this that I'm tempted to rewrite my autobiography and claim that I'm really from New Mexico. I hope that during the time that Arizona is taking a good hard look at this that people will take note that PetSmart, U-Haul and Motorola have their headquarters in Arizona.

Save the Martini and the salted peanut

2008-10-24T08:14:00.001-07:00

There is an otherwise excellent seafood restaurant in my Long Island town of Merrick that has a vast selection of specialty "Martinis." When I was growing up, a Martini meant one thing - a drink that was 80% gin or vodka and 20% vermouth. At this restaurant (and many others I've seen lately) there are Apple Martinis, Chocolate Martinis, Pomegranite Martinis, Pineapple Martinis and Cranberry Martinis- it's enough to make James Bond cry. These are not Martini's - these are drinks for wimps who are kidding themselves. They want the sophistication of drinking a Martini but the reassurance of drinking something made with pineapple juice. I'd support a class-action lawsuit to take the name back.

Salted peanuts. The major grocery chains in Long Island (Super Stop N Shop and King Kullen) have got together and decided for us that we the customers do not need Salted in the Shell Peanuts. In the past year I've seen them go from hard to find to impossible. Stop N Shop in particular has a selection of 5 different kinds of unsalted peanuts in the shell. After this morning's trip to the King Kullen in Bellmore, I decided that I've had it. I went to a web site in Virginia and bought a five pound bag - enough to see us through the winter. This is a technique I learned in the waning days of record stores.

What's new?

2008-04-29T13:33:00.000-07:00

The hardest thing in the world is coming up with a new term that has not made its way into Google. The other day when we were listening to the Pope's journey to New York we said that photographers who followed the Pope could be called Poparazzi. Funny, yes. Original, no. There are nearly 1 million hits for that in Google. Here is a similar form that will be coined by me - a photographer who specializes in shooting recently arrested people - Perporazzi. Ouch. It will be in Google by 5PM.

Signs of the times

2008-04-21T19:03:00.000-07:00

We were driving my son home Sunday from Long Island to Flushing Queens, when he noticed a sign over the road warning that the area around Yankee Stadium was congested and you should take mass transit. "Why is that," he asked. "The Yanks are playing on the road."

"The Pope has the home game today."

Pause. "Oh. I guess that's why they want you to take Mass transit."

Sound of groaning.

Bomb Bomb Bomb Bomb Iran

2008-03-25T05:43:00.001-07:00

Had to go to war
Even up the score
Now the troups are sore
Dont know what they're fightin for

"Bomb Iran bomb bomb bomb Iran"

"Cause I didnt know a thing
Muktat Sadr became king

Bomb iran etc

Went to Iraq
Musta been on crack
Had the first attack
But I found that they fight back

Bomb Iran etc

Thought it 'd end with cheers
But its been five years
Now I'll face my fears
With a jury of my peers

Bomb Iran etc
Rootin' for McCain
He's totally insane
John's channeling my brain
And Iran is his new game.

Bomb Iran...ad infinitum

Courtesy of Donna Ballard

If these things ring a bell, you probably grew up in the 1950's

2008-02-25T16:38:00.000-08:00

Harold Stassen, Hula Hoops, Fizzies, Fruit Loops,
Howdy Doody, Flavr Straws, Integrated Arkansas,
Perry Como, James Dean, John Wayne on the movie screen,
Splish Splash, Pinky Lee, Pat Boone and Sandra Dee.
Ricky Nelson, Sputnik, Sixteen tons and Beatniks,
Davy Crockett, Disneyland, A-bombs and Tommy Sands,
Buddy Holly, Damn dolls, George Reeves takes a fall,
3d glasses, Get a Job, Outer space, Beware the Blob,
Mort Sahl, Food to go, Kukla Fran and Ollie show,
Kingston Trio, Real McCoys, Slip N Slides and plastic toys,
Duck and cover, Patti Page, Kerouac is all the rage,
TV dinners, Billy Graham, Ben Hogan' s Grand Slam,
Harry Truman, Red Scare, China and the Russian Bear.
Liberace, Rat Pack, Eisenhower's heart attack,
Rosenbergs, Queen for a day, Edward Murrow saves the day.
Rebel without a cause, Dixicratic voting laws,
Yogi Berra, Salk Vaccine, Annette is our favorite teen,
Elvis, 7 samurai, Bridge on the river Kwai,
Miles Davis, Psycho, Casey Stengel, Vertigo,
Itsy bitsy teeny weenie yellow polka dot bikini,
Goldwater, Rabbit ears, Etch-a-sketch, Mousekateers,
Big Bopper, Lois Lane, Charlie Parker, Frankie Laine,
Sartre asked the reasons why, Old Yeller made us cry,
Perry Mason, Rawhide, Albert Einstein up and died,
Joe McCarthy, Wax lips, Nixon's Venezuela trip,
Khruschev, Charlie Brown, Coasters, On the Town,
Roy Cohn, Warren Court, Kinsey puts out his report.
Jack Paar, Bandstand, Look ma, no hands,
Gary Powers, Nielsen rates, US brings in two new states.
Brylreem, Rock and roll, Cinderella, Gallup Poll,
On 77 Sunset Strip, Kookie is the one that's hip,
Richie Valens, Gary Bonds, Pink flamingoes on the lawn,
Uncle Miltie, Wagon train, Kelly singin in the rain,
Cinderella, Dr. Spock, Haley rocks around the clock,
Gunsmoke, High Noon, Hardy boys and gold doubloons
Lassie, Rin Tin Tin, Take your hotrod for a spin,
Dragnet, Just the facts, TV dinners on the rack,
Sid Ceasar, Beat the clock, Dick Tracy's wristwatch.

That cleared out some rusty synapses. I'll add more later - verses, that is.

Give war a chance

2007-10-28T10:30:00.000-07:00

Ev'rybody's talkin' 'bout Terrorism, 9-11, Fascism, Bushisms, Ragism, Tagism
This-ism, that-ism, ism ism ism
All we are saying is give war a chanceAll we are saying is give war a chance

(C'mon)Ev'rybody's talkin' 'bout Bill O'reilly, Limbaugh, Coulter and Malkin,
Plamegate, Abramoff, Larry Craig, Laugh it off,
All we are saying is give war a chance
All we are saying is give war a chance

(Let me tell you now)
Ev'rybody's talkin' 'bout Condoleeza, Waterboarding, Mass destruction, What is torture,
Insurrections, Allegations, Amputations, Immolations,
All we are saying is give war a chance
All we are saying is give war a chance

Ev'rybody's talkin' 'bout Blackrock, Tom Delay, Hillary, Giuliani, Tough on terror, Cut and run,
Clinton's errors, Haliburton, Vets are hurtin,
Here comes Victory, Here comes victory,
All we are saying is give war a chance
All we are saying is give war a chance(Repeat 'til Civilization runs out)

Joe Torre

2007-10-22T14:20:00.001-07:00

Joe doesn't have to put up with this nonsense for another day. He's old enough to collect Social Security now, so he probably doesn't need the money. Seriously, he is one of the great class acts in baseball, and we will miss him terribly. I particularly enjoyed the snarky face-saving remarks by Hank Steinbrenner, "El Bossito." It's the kind of eloquence we've come to expect from people with that last name. I would like to propose that I'd manage the Yankees for 4 million if they asked me the right way. I'd be a bargain - the first Yankee manager to know the Dewey Decimal number for baseball.

On the wrong track - the Long Island Railroad

2007-10-02T08:09:00.000-07:00

My son now has a job as a librarian in Queens, so he needs to take the LIRR to Jamaica every day until we get him his own apartment. Since he is mobility-impaired with cerebral palsy, he needs to take the last car so he can go right to the street and catch a bus. Yesterday, the last car was much further up the track, so he had to run. He shouted for someone to hold the door open because, sure enough, they were trying to leave without him. Some good Samaritan waiting for another train did that. When he complained to the conductor, the man just laughed and said "Well, I guess you made it."

I've been on all of the suburban train systems and the LIRR is, hands down, the worst. Filthy cars, delays, surly conductors, broken elevators - you name it. Now they are going to go through their annual ritual - raising the price of tickets and cutting service. The only cure for this system might be competition, but there is no hope for that. Suck it up, Long Island.

Iowa Primary song (to the tune of 'Kokomo')

2007-09-27T13:17:00.000-07:00

Joe Biden, Kucenich, in it to the finish.
John Edwards, Obama, come on pretty mama
Wahpeton, Kalona baby wh'y dont we go
Down to Larrabee

Off the Interstate
Theres a place called Larrabee
Thats where you wanna be to get away from it all

All the jokes are bland
M&Ms melting in your hand
We'll be falling in love
To the rhythm of the high school band
Down in Larrabee

Urbana and Vinton, come on Mrs. Clinton
To West Union, Manchester come on pretty mama
Altoona and Rowan baby we'll be goin'

Ooo I wanna take you down to Larrabee
We'll get there slow
Then we'll pick up the speed
Thats where we wanna be
Way down in Larrabee

Well go to the prairie
Showin' off our new library
By and by we'll defy a little bit of gravitas

Afternoon delight
Corn dogs and moonlit nights
That dreamy look in your eye
Give me a midwestern contact high
Way down in Larrabee

Chris Dodd and Kucenich in it to the finish
Sioux City, Algona come on pretty mama
Paulina, Owasa baby why dont we go
Ooo I wanna take you down to Larrabee
Well get there slow
And then well pick up the speed
Thats where we wanna go
Way down to Larrabee

West Des Moines I'll eat a fresh pork loin.

Bill Richardson
Is just in it for the fun
And the chance to get away from it all
Way down in Larrabee

Mankato and Windom, Come on Mrs. Clinton
Sioux City, Algona come on pretty mama
baby why dont we go
Ooo I wanna take you down to Larrabee
Well get there slow
And then we'll take it up to speed
Thats where we wanna be
Way down to Larrabee

Apologies to the good people of Iowa - I've never personally been there. It's humor.

Luck of the Irish

2007-05-07T12:29:00.000-07:00

On Saturday, I went to the city with my son and my mother-in-law. After a shopping and eating mission in Greenwich Village, we headed back to the train in the early afternoon. On the way home, I reached for my wallet at some point and noted that it felt oddly positioned, but didn't make any correction. When we got out of the train in Merrick, I felt for it and realized that the train was rolling out with my wallet left on the seat. I tried calling the LIRR, but it was Saturday, so you could only get recorded messages.

At home, I went to the phone book. There was a Lost and Found number listed for LIRR at Penn Station. When I got through, there was a recorded message saying that they just left. I called the Suffolk County office of LIRR, and finally got a human voice. A police clerk was sympathetic, and said she'd radio the people on the train to see if anything was found. When 45 minutes went by, I stopped waiting for that callback, and started researching the phone numbers I'd need to cancel everything.

My wife came home from work, and asked if I'd called my work voicemail. She reasoned that the driver's license would tell them I'm in Merrick, but they wouldn't find my listed number, so if they saw my business card, they'd call that. It turns out that this is just what happened. Somebody from Johnny McGorey's Irish Pub and Restaurant in Massapequa Park called to say that the wallet had been found on the train, took it in to work and turned it in to the bartended, who called me. The four of us rushed into the car, made the 15 minute drive, and ordered a giant plate of appetizers and Guinness. The waitress heard the story and called out the young man from the kitchen. Of course, rewards were given.

The irony of this turning up in an Irish pub was pretty good, since I run the Irish digitization projects at Quinnipiac University library. The food was great, so we'll be back lots of times in the future, and I'd urge other Long Islanders to do likewise.

I'm irritated - 2

2007-03-24T10:18:00.000-07:00

I'm irritated with Volvo. The other night I was watching television and saw a commercial from Volvo, selling SUVs. As the announcer was purring "Safety for you, safety for your little ones" they showed the planet-destroying monstrosity zooming down empty roads, on the LEFT side. Umm, here in America it's proper to drive on the right side, but they are marketing these things to idiots, with the subtle message "Buy our SUV and you can just mow down anything in your path. None of the rules of society or human civilization apply to you."

I'm irritated

2007-03-04T09:27:00.000-08:00

I'm irritated at Verizon. First of all, they have these commercials - "Can you hear me now?" We switched to Verizon two years ago because circumstances demanded it - my son's girlfriend had them and it was switch or pay $300 monthly bills. Then I get my new phone up to the room I rent near the university and find out I'm in a Verizon dead zone. Cingular worked there but not Verizon. I finally gave up and got a "Pay as you go phone from Cingular" and gave the Verizon phone to my wife for emergencies. No, Verizon, we can't hear you.

Now they are offering a new fiber-optic service in Merrick that has television, phone and internet packages. I got the ad in my bill. Great! Except that it's not in my part of Merrick. We haven't even got DSL yet. When I called Verizon about this, they patiently explained that we are in the part of Merrick that they don't care about. "I guess I'll just wait for DSL," I said. "No, we don't wire DSL anymore." So, an entire generation of internet service has come and gone while Verizon is not giving us service.

I'm also irritated at the grocery chain ShopRight. They had a store a few blocks away from us next to the WalMart. Years ago, they closed the store for "Renovations." I guess they wanted to get it right because it's been years now and they haven't done a thing. Now and then workmen will be there, but they have put up signs telling us that we can't ask the workmen any questions. Meantime, other stores in the shopping center have left. I wrote their web page a few pointed remarks, and they wrote back explaining that it isn't really their store. It's owned by a franchisee, whose identity they won't disclose, and that they "can't remodel the store because there are "Problems with the building," and they can't do something radical like fix them. They said that they will pass along my opinions that they are hurting our neighborhood and our property values to "Mr. X." I told Shopright that I will never spend another penny at any of their stores until they do something. Hopefully, they will sell this to a real grocery store like Stop and Shop.

On a similar note, let's talk about the local Post Office. A while back we went on a long trip and told the Post Office to hold our mail. Fortunately, our neighbor was alert because some days they held mail and some days they didn't. When I called the Merrick Post Office to complain about this, I was told something absolutely preposterous. "The mailmen don't like your route." It's too big or something. My Dad was a mailman for twenty years, and I never heard anything about how they give better service to routes they "like." They served everybody - rain, sleet, snow, etc., except it was Phoenix so it was pretty much just rain. For years we had two mail deliveries - the first one from the mail man and the second when we gave the wrongly-delivered items to our neighbors. Lately, we've been having pretty good service, so I guess the new mail man likes us.

I'm irritated at the state of handicapped parking passes in Long Island. They are handed out like aspirins to old people who walk better than I do. My son has cerebral palsy and actually is mobility-impaired. We went to Trader Joe's and Commerce Bank in Merrick yesterday, and found every handicapped spot taken, although you couldn't see anyone inside with the slightest problem. Commerce Bank was the best - they had exactly one handicapped spot at their Merrick Road location. We've actually been glared at for taking up a handicapped spot by old people who seem to be saying "You're not old enough for this spot." They're handicapped spots, not Elderly spots.

Man of the Year

2006-12-17T09:09:00.000-08:00

Two weeks ago, Time Magazine called and told me that I was to be named Man of the Year. I thanked them, but suggested that they don't just concentrate on me, but give the award to All Bloggers out there in cyberspace. It's a good move. First of all, it's more fair. Secondly, if all the honorees go to the newsstand and pick up a copy, they will make a fortune.

In a similar vein, I just got a MySpace account a week or so ago, on the theory that I should try out all of the major things on the web. As soon as I joined, I got a note saying that I already had a friend. Wow! However, the excitement dropped just a bit when I found out that my friend was Tom, who works for MySpace, and is pretty much your automatic first friend. After 5 days, I still had no other friends. I was the most unpopular man on MySpace. I went shopping for discussion groups on MySpace, and I must say that they have a discussion for everything - I signed up in groups representing about 20 of my niche interests. Unfortunately, when I went to the groups and tried to participate in the discussions, I got a blank screen when I hit the reply button. This weas not the way to attract Cyberfriends.

Finally, yesterday, I got a note that Olga wanted to be my friend. I was so pleased that I instantly accepted her offer, and then went back to take a look at the sort of person who would want to be my friend. I was surprised to hear that Olga was a 22 year old in the midwest, looking for some serious adult fun and, just possibly, a permanent relationship. Oh. I guess she looked at my age and decided that it doesn't get more adult than me. I'm still waiting for friends to arrive, but in the meantime I can take comfort from the words of Steven Wright - "Hermits have no peer pressure."

Black Friday

2006-11-24T11:51:00.000-08:00

i'm going to prove that I have psychic abilities. Tonight the big story on all of the news reports will be that people rushed to the malls in greater numbers than ever and spent all-time record amounts. Then, in about 10 days, we will start to hear reports that the Thanksgiving buying spree wasn't really all that great. Either I'm truly psychic or this same cycle plays out the same way every single year.

Not purely a curmudgeon, I did watch the parade in high definition yesterday and it looked glorious. True, the NBC broadcast had more than its share of plugs for new shows, so my family talked me into switching to CBS. It was in Low definition. They were plugging their shows without even showing the parade. This all lasted 30 seconds for me. To prove that I'm now in the holiday spirit, I opened my new 1000 piece jigsaw puzzle. Usually I finish this around Christmas or new years, but this one looks really hard.

All politics is local

2006-11-19T08:59:00.000-08:00

I've had a problem with what to do with this blog. I can't go on being a thorn in Karl Rove's side because America has finally awoken. And, honestly, I can't take any credit for the victory because this blog was hardly looked at. So now I will turn my focus to New York where I live and Connecticut where I work. Will I find enough stupidity to justify the title? I think so. I'll start off with my favorite example. A major subway stop in the 4-5-6 line on Lexington Avenue has an escalator that must be 100 feet underground. When riding up one day I heard the announcement "This escalator is for subway passengers only." Sounds fine, but given the fact that you must be a subway passenger to be there (or a nocturnal animal), I wondered what situation made this announcment necessary.

Kinder and Gentler

2006-11-14T13:20:00.000-08:00

I'm hanging up my sarcastic shoes for now. The election is over. My side won. Now it is time to get back to doing the business of America. Looking back, I may have been a little harsh on the Republicans, but they did scare me with their obvious hankering for absolute power. I hope it is true that George W. Bush has seen the handwriting on the wall and will work to make this a better and happier country for the next two years. I hope he will find a way to bring most of the troops home and make Iraq's government do the work of their country. If all of that happens, I'll go back to complaining about other forms of stupidity.

Take me out to the ball game

2006-09-22T13:09:00.000-07:00

My son recently signed up for the Mets lottery to purchase playoff tickets. We were surprised when they wrote back on Wednesday and said he'd won. All he'd need to do was log in on Thursday at noon and buy the tickets. Thursday noon came. For 15 minutes, all we got was a message saying that the servers are busy. Finally, we got a message that said, tough luck - we've just sold all the tickets. Thanks, Mets, it was exciting for a day. Thanks for wasting our time.

What's wrong with this story?

2006-08-14T09:14:00.000-07:00

Last week it was reported that the U.S. military had arrested four men in the case of kidnapped Christian Science Monitor reporter Jill Carroll. Charges are pending.

Sounds straightforward enough - bad guys did harm to one of our people, and we nabbed them. However.....according to our President, there is a viable, democratically elected government in Iraq. That being the case, and considering that this was a crime carried out in Iraq by Iraqi citizens, why weren't these four arrested by members of Iraq's crack security forces? After that, they could be put in an Iraqi-run prison and tried in the Iraqi judicial system. This system is now advanced enough that they are trying their own former dictator.

Could it possibly be that we don't trust the government that we say is so effective? That would be a case of talking out of both sides of our mouth.

Our side/Their side

2006-07-19T16:29:00.000-07:00

Our side

From THE PHILOSOPHY AND MORALS of JESUS of NAZARETH by Thomas Jefferson

1. Be just: justice comes from virtue which comes from the heart.

2. Treat people the way we want to be treated.

3. Always work for peaceful resolutions, even to the point of returning violence with compassion.
4. Consider valuable the things that have no material value.

5. Do not judge others.

6. Do not bear grudges.

7. Be modest and unpretentious.

"Let he who is without sin cast the first stone." Jesus

And when you pray, you shall not be like the hypocrites. For they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the corners of the streets, that they may be seen by men.... But you, when you pray, go into your room, and when you have shut your door, pray to your Father who is in the secret place; and your Father who sees in secret will reward you openly" Jesus (Matthew 6:5-6)

Their side

"Maybe we need a very small nuke thrown off on Foggy Bottom to shake things up" –Pat Robertson

"The idea that religion and politics don't mix was invented by the Devil to keep Christians from running their own country." Jerry Falwell

"We know who the homicidal maniacs are. They are the ones cheering and dancing right now. We should invade their countries, kill their leaders and convert them to Christianity." Ann Coulter

"And if we are the ones not actively involved in electing those godly men and women and if people aren’t involved in helping godly men in getting elected than we’re going to have a nation of secular laws. That’s not what our founding fathers intended and that’s certainly isn’t what God intended." Katherine Harris

A tale of two towns

2006-06-16T04:48:00.000-07:00

Fox News commentator Bill O'Reilly has often mentioned his boyhood years growing up in the middle class Long Island town of Levittown. The problem is that O'Reilly's mother, in an interview with the Washington Post said that Bill grew up in Westbury. The key piece of evidence for that is that she still lives in that same house, which is in Westbury.

There are variant stories to be found on Wikipedia and the Fox News Web site, as well as from O'Reilly himself who claims that the Post misquoted his mother. The four versions of reality boil down to this:

1. O'Reilly, as reported in the Post article grew up in Westbury, but in housing that was built by the Levitt company.

2. The house was in Levittown when they bought it, but the boundaries changed in 1963, and the location changed to Westbury. This is found in Wikipedia.

3. It was Levittown, and that's that. This comes from O'Reilly who bolsters this claim with a mortgage document from the purchase of the house that he published online.

4. The Fox News Official Biography of O'Reilly, which used to boast that he grew up in the "Westbury section of Levittown."

To start getting the facts, we simply visited the East Meadow Public Library on Long Island and asked to see the 1958 Nassau County phone book. What we found can be seen here:

which shows the elder O'Reilly was, in 1958, a resident of Westbury.

The information provided above contradicts the "deed" which O'Reilly published that supposedly proves that he lived in Levittown all along. This can be seen at: http://www.frankenlies.com/lies/levittown.htm. If you examine this document closely, you might notice some peculiarities. The address is (blank) Lane, followed by a comma. Then you drop down three lines into a new paragraph. At the beginning of this, there is a long blank space, another comma, and the name Levittown, New York. This is followed by language that says "hereby to be referred to as the mortgager." A street address is the mortgager? It appears that the long blank at the beginning of that line may be the lending institution that happened to be located in Levittown. The actual town location should have immediately followed "Lane." Furthermore, the information with O'Reilly's parents' names and the end of the street address was done with a typewriter using courier font, and in need of a ribbon. The "Levittown" is in Times New Roman and is noticeably darker - looking like a pre-printed form. In reading through the right wing blogosphere, one can see this document treated as Holy Writ - an absolute slam-dunk that O'Reilly grew up in Levittown.

One creative O'Reilly apologist on Wikipedia, writing under the category of "O'Reilly controversies" made the claim that O'Reilly grew up in Levittown, then in 1963 they changed the town borders to bring the towns in line with the new Zip Code system. As a result of that, O'Reilly's street was sucked into Westbury, where it remains to this day. Again, if this were true, the 1958 phone book would have listed his address as being in Levittown, which it did not. The Wikipedia author cites as evidence of this 1963 land grab one online map that shows Levittown in large letters and no reference to Westbury at all

This dramatic change in the population of Westbury would have been major news in a town whose boundaries were first set in the 1700's. However, author John Dwyer, writing in the Village of Westbury's web page at http://www.villageofwestbury.org/index.asp?type=b_loc&sec={25bd8f5e-47ee-4fef-928b-f47883bffc8e} writes:

"In the mid 1950's, Westbury virtually ran out of undeveloped land and with it came the end of the building boom. In 1940, Westbury listed its population at 4,525. By 1960, Westbury's population had grown to 14,757, according to the census data for that year." Nothing here about that major change of boundaries a few years later.

No doubt Dwyer would have been amused by the official Fox News biography of O'Reilly which claimed he grew up in the "Westbury section of Levittown." A 400 year old town had suddenly been relegated to being a section of a town that was created in the 1940's. Fox News has since changed this to say that O'Reilly grew up in Long Island.

Referring to the United States Census of 1970, Volume 1, Part A, Section 2, page 34-37, Levittown, rather than losing population between 1960 and 1970 gained about 150 souls, going from a population of 65,276 in 1960 to 65,440 in 1970. Westbury's population picked up about 500 during that same period, but not, apparently, at the expense of Levittown.

This has been a fascinating journey into the world of "truthiness." If you read everything about this subject written by people with a political agenda, it becomes very complicated. However, as a librarian it is my job to consult objective sources and find out the facts. The truth is what it is. Barring stunning new revelations, Bill O'Reilly grew up in a house in Westbury.

Two canaries

2006-06-04T15:05:00.000-07:00

Run, do not walk, but Run to your cineplex and catch An Inconvenient Truth. This movie is so compelling that the Far Righters are absolutely terrified about its effect. Massive amounts of the Karl Rove truth enhancement fund have been moved into place to make commercials like "Carbon Dioxide is our Friend." I'd always heard about global warming and thought "I'm nearly 60. I won't have to deal with this. My son and grandkids will." Ummm, guess again. Gore was absolutely 100% magnificent here, drawing an analogy between the icecaps and the canaries that miners kept around to warn of bad air. It's as entertaining as a film can be that tells me that my house in Long Island will soon be a Sea Bass observation center. See it.

Last piece of the world's information that wasn't in Google

2006-05-16T12:23:00.000-07:00

I'm going to take a breather from commenting about the current state of public affairs and go back to my base constituency - computer nerds. For the past 6 years now, I've been getting together with a couple of friends from the university on Tuesday nights at a local watering hole where they have free chicken wings and 2 dollar draft beers. Twice a year, at the end of the semester, we get together for a blowout dinner.

A few weeks ago, I went up to Cheshire to get a sandwich at Subway, and noted that the Irish bar and grill that had been next door had been replaced by a new seafood restaurant named Yellowfin's. People coming out looked happy and well fed, so I offered this as a possible dinner spot for the occasion. They agreed, but as the day approached, I was asked to confirm that Yellowfin's is open Mondays and see if we needed a reservation. No problem - I'd just google it and get in touch.

Well, no such luck. Typing Yellowfins Cheshire Connecticut always got me lots of hits, but never the thing I needed. Then I found out the street address of the previous occupant and always got a slew of hits for them but not the new restaurant. I had to face the dreaded conclusion - here's a restaurant that is not in Google. We showed up last night anyway, and had an absolutely delightful evening. We had a pair of appetizers, shared the dishes around and found everything to be first rate. Our waitress said that they've been there for just over two months. They're at 1027 S. Main Street. Yesterday that information was missing from Google. In a day or so, it won't be.

Thought for today

2006-05-02T05:50:00.000-07:00

"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity and I'm not sure about the former."

Albert Einstein

Coalition of the forgotten

2006-03-23T16:39:00.000-08:00

It appears to me that as our liberation of Iraq continues, you hear less and less about the coalition. I verified this by searching Lexis. In 2003, there were more than 1000 references to the term "Coalition Forces and Iraq" in major newspapers. In 2004 there were 729. In 2005 there were 242. So far this year, 49. Here is what this coalition looks like using information from the Brookings Institute showing troop strength by country in the thousands:

From everything I've read, most of the countries in the "Other" column are looking for ways to gracefully disappear over a sand dune.

To the spammers who fill my mailbox

2006-03-13T09:14:00.000-08:00

You people are really underachievers. I haven't got anything in months that had the slightest chance at ripping me off. Here are some tips, and if it helps you make more money, you can send me a check, but don't ask for my bank details. Just send the check.

Get a surname. The only person with one name who has the least chance of reaching me is Madonna, and I'm not even sure about that.

Buy a dictionary. If you don't know the difference between there and their, chances are you are not a multinational bank, even if you do add the right logo.

Get a life. Instead of mining the greed of Americans, go out and get a job and do something with your life. If you are really in Nigeria and have millions of dollars, spend some of that to help children in your country.

Oops

2006-01-05T07:15:00.000-08:00

Three pieces that I found on CNN:

Sunni party quits Iraq government talks after mosque bombing

More than 100 dead in revenge attacks; 7 U.S. soldiers killed

Thursday, February 23, 2006; Posted: 2:26 p.m. EST (19:26 GMT)

At least 118 killed in Iraq attacks

Five U.S. soldiers among dead

Thursday, January 5, 2006; Posted: 9:36 a.m. EST (14:36 GMT)
BAGHDAD, Iraq (CNN) -- In the deadliest day since the December 15 elections, at least 118 people were killed in Iraq and scores were wounded in separate insurgent-bomb attacks, authorities said Thursday.
Among the dead were five U.S. soldiers with Task Force Baghdad, according to a U.S. military news release.

Cheney: Iraq will be 'enormous success story'

Friday, June 24, 2005; Posted: 12:28 a.m. EDT (04:28 GMT)
WASHINGTON (CNN) -- Vice President Dick Cheney on Thursday defended his recent comment that the Iraqi insurgency was in its "last throes," insisting that progress being made in setting up a new Iraqi government and establishing democracy there will indeed end the violence -- eventually.

That's all.

Get real!

2005-08-01T12:33:00.000-07:00

I never watch reality shows, but unless you live in a cave, it's impossible not to hear endless details about them. Here is my idea for the ultimate reality show - select a group of people who will try to explain to us what reality really is. There would be a philosophy professor, a quantum physicist, a Priest, a Rabbi, a Zen Buddhist master, a mathematician, a psychologist, an Islamic cleric, a televangelist, and Yogi Berra. At the end of each show, one of them would be voted off by God, as they would draw straws. You heard it here first.

More fun with anagrams

2005-01-28T09:44:00.000-08:00

A few of these have been found before. Most haven't:

Donald Rumsfeld - Fond Dull Dreams

Condoleezza Rice - Oozed a zen cleric

Paul Wolfowitz - Putz oaf ill - wow!

Karl Rove - Lark Over

Rudy Giuliani - Gaudily I ruin

Richard Cheney - Herd chicanery

George W. Bush - Bush ego grew, or SOB grew huge

Chapter 1 - January 15, 2005

2005-01-15T11:15:00.000-08:00

Fun with anagram generators. Years ago, I ran the names of Grateful Dead band members against an anagram generator and got a number of gems - the best were Mickey Hart (Him rackety) and Jerry Garcia (Rare, racy jig). This afternoon, I found the same program and ran the name Google. Best hits were:

Ego log and
Go ogle

Nothing makes me feel older than writing a check with the date 2005 on it. I remember when it was a big deal to write the first check in 1984.

Chapter 1 - October 7, 2004

2004-10-07T16:42:00.000-07:00

"There's overwhelming evidence there was a connection between al Qaeda and the Iraqi government. I am very confident that there was an established relationship there." - Vice President Cheney, 1/22/04 NPR Interview

"You've got your facts wrong. I never suggested a connection between Iraq and 9/11" Vice President Cheney, 10/05/04 debate.

Oh.

Chapter 1 - October 4, 2004

2004-10-04T11:32:00.000-07:00

A high school friend of mine named Gary Palmer was going through a troubling time with mental health in the 1960's. More and more he had to spend time in one facility or another, including the one that nobody wanted - the state hospital. During one of his visits, he became fascinated with the idea of humor. He told me a story about some of the inmates that he had known - particularly a patient who was obsessed with leprechauns. This began to get the attention of the keepers, who lectured him about the nonexistence of these fantasy figures. One day it went too far, so a psychiatrist got the patient in the day room. "I'll be taking you to Ireland," the patient was told. In fact, the patient was led to the garden out back, where he and the psychiatrist walked around the trees and bushes. "See, no leprechauns." At the end, the patient thanked the psychiatrist and went back to solving puzzles. Another patient whispered to him: "That doctor thinks you're crazy." "He thinks I'm crazy? All I did was talk about some leprechauns and I got a free trip to Ireland."

Republican Reality test

2004-08-22T18:15:00.000-07:00

The official Republican Trivia test, 2004 edition. In honor of the New York Republican convention.

Sponsored by "Librarians for the Truth."

RULES:
Answer as honestly as you can.
None of the correct answers have the name "Clinton" inside.

1. Who won the popular vote for President in the 2000 election?

2. How many Iraqis were on the planes that flew into buildings on September 11?

3. How many times has George W. Bush been arrested?

4. Essay question: Given that there were thousands of American families dealing with grief in the days following September 11, why were relatives of Osama Bin Laden and other Saudi's given special treatment and flown back to their homeland?

5. How many Americans have been killed in Iraq since Bush dared his enemies - "Bring them on?"

6. How many weapons of mass destruction have been found in Iraq since we liberated them?

7. What happened to the higher-scoring applicant to the Texas National Guard who was denied entry because George W. Bush was allowed in?

8. Why were air quality tests following September 11 hidden from the public, and substituted with misinformation that the air was fine?

9. What were Dick Cheney's "Other Priorities" that kept him from serving in Vietnam?

10. Of the 3 major candidates in the 2004 election, which one would most likely be supported by members of the Ku Klux Klan?

11. Is Bush's desire to find the person who outed Ambassador Wilson's wife as a CIA operative more intense or less intense than O.J.'s quest to find the real killer? Has he called Robert Novak into his office and asked him who did it?

12. Vice President Cheney spent a lot of effort to keep America from knowing who met with him about energy policy in 2001. Can you name an energy corporation executive whose presence on this committee might be embarrassing for the administration?

13. What percent of Iraqis view us as liberators and what percent think of us as a hostile invasion force?

"That felt good."
Richard Cheney

Fun with Lexis

2004-08-13T09:12:00.000-07:00

Searching major papers for the last 6 months:

Reagan in Headline and first paragraph and prosperity in the text of the article: 164 hits
Reagan in Headline and first paragraph and market crash in the text of the article: 14 hits

Chapter 1 - August 12, 2004

2004-08-12T17:15:00.000-07:00

I am the only one who has noticed lately that the terms "Conservative" and "Liberal" have lost all of their meaning. These days, "Conservative" means anything that a Republican does and "Liberal" means anything that a Democrat does. Sometimes this gets into pretty murky waters to say the least. Earlier this year, Arnold Schwarzenegger rode into the office partly on rage over Gov. Davis' decision to allow illegal aliens to get driver's licenses. So that's the "Conservative" position - right? A scant few months later, Bush declared that all illegal aliens in the nation should not only get driver's licenses, but should be able to buy into Social Security. Another "Conservative" position from times past was that you don't spend money you don't have. Now the national surplus has turned into a huge deficit to finance Bush's misadventures in Iraq. America in 2004 is a comedy co-written by Bill O'Reilly and George Orwell.

Chapter 1 - July 26, 2004

2004-07-26T10:53:00.000-07:00

Fun with Windows

I am one of the few holdouts who still have a dia-up modem. Over the weekend, I tried to dial in to EarthLink, but the connection failed. A message came up that there was a problem in my Windows OS that caused my connection to malfunction. Do I want to send a report. Sure, but since I'm not online, how is that possible?

It reminds me of a story that I first heard in Philosophy class in 1964 at Phoenix College, told by Professor Hill. Napoleon was on the lam, and hiding out in the forest. One day he encounters a one-armed peasant. The two strike up a conversation, and the peasant brags that he lost his arm fighting for Napoleon, and if he ever saw the general, he'd lose the other arm. The peasant subsquently finds out the true identity of the general, takes out his sword and cuts off his other arm. How?

Important signs that civilization may survive until 2010

2004-07-15T10:50:00.000-07:00

Air America Radio
Derek Jeter
The films of Eric Rohmer
The New York Fire Department
Countdown with Keith Olbermann
Project Gutenberg
Radio commentator Dave Ross
The International Space Station
Steve Earle
Katz' Deli on Houston
Michael Moore
Grateful Dead lyricist Robert Hunter
Yogi Berra
Chumbawamba
Google

Signs that civilization has crumbled while we were busy thinking about something else

2004-07-12T13:59:00.000-07:00

Reality TV
George W. Bush
Britney Spears
The Patriot Act
Governor Arnold
The Halliburton Corporation
Howard Stern
Iraq
Joey Buttafuoco
Instant messaging
NASCAR
Courtney Love
American Idol
Don Zimmer leaving the Yankees
J-Lo
Ralph Nader
DVDs in SUVs
Frasier
Ann Coulter
Actors who write childrens' books
The New York Post
The Hairy guy who plays for the Red Sox
Scott Peterson
Cell phones and the people who love them
AOL
"The Incredible Mr. Limpet" on DVD and not "East of Eden"
Kobe Bryant
Dick Cheney

Chapter 1 - July 8, 2004

2004-07-08T12:19:00.000-07:00

Whatever happened to the future?

When I was a small boy I went to Disneyland and marvelled at the exhibits in Tomorrowland that showed the great things we would have in the year 2000 like picture phones, trips to the moon and sleek cars that flew instead of rolled. In the many ensuing years there have been many great things discovered, and we now live in a time where we take certain marvels for granted. Last week when I was in Florida we went to the Disney theme parks and found that in many of the attractions showing the progress of technology, they had pretty much run out of future. In the ride through the giant dome in Epcot they show mankind progressing from cave art to the Internet, but nothing much past that to look forward to. Pretty much the same story in Tomorrowland, which was mostly Todayland. Is this a failure of imagination, or have we pretty much accomplished everything that could be done by the human race? I suspect the former, but it's not an easy answer. We could have probably gone to Mars for the money we spent "liberating" Iraq, but the space program seems to be in perpetual neutral, waiting for another tragedy that might shift it into a fast reverse. I'm resigned to the fact that we will not go to Mars in my lifetime, which is too bad. Dan Quayle and now Bush make great-sounding statements about going to Mars, but always stop when it's time to get out the checkbook.

And yet, we live in a time of intense and accelerating change. The changes that have occurred in my field, academic libraries, have been phenomenal since 1989 when I got my library degree. It's easy to look ahead to the day, fast approaching, when all scholarly publishing will be electronic, although I doubt if ebooks will replace "Fiber based" information technology in the century. I haven't read science fiction in ages, so I don't know if they're doing better at prognosticating than the Disney people. Maybe we're just getting tired as a people and want to circle the wagons so we can hold on to what we've already got. I miss the 1960's.

Chapter 1 - July 6, 2004

2004-07-06T12:30:00.000-07:00

Just got back from a 10 day conference and then vacation in Florida. I had a great conference - learned a lot, went to some good parties, and even met E.L. Doctorow at one of them. That party, thrown by the journal the Nation, also was attended by the New Jersey librarian whose quick action saved Michael Moore's book Stupid White Men from the shredder. She was also instrumental in getting a special showing of Fahrenheit 911 as a fundraiser for several library causes. This resulted in a full house for the 2000 seat theater, and a raucously positive reception for the film. On one night, Universal Studios was booked for a librarians-only party, which meant some pretty short lines for most rides. On the whole, Epcot was the best park and Disney World was the worst. MGM Studios edged out Universal because a lot of their attractions were a salute to the art and craft of the cinema, whereas the rides in Universal were there to knock you around. I came out of the "Back to the Future" ride with back pains, but I can't say I wasn't warned - they had posted signs all the way up.

At the end of the conference, we rented a car and drove 50 miles to Cocoa Beach so my son and I could tour the Kennedy Space Center while my wife got extra beach time. At the end of the day, everyone was happy. I must be the last New Yorker in the world to visit Florida, and I honestly don't see this as somewhere that I would ever retire. The weather was so hot and humid that I felt like I was back in the Philippines. The prices for anything in the Orlando area resembled highway robbery. The theme parks were fun at times, but they were jammed even on weekdays in the off season. It was fun, but I'm glad to be back home.

Chapter 1 - June 22, 2004

2004-06-22T14:22:00.000-07:00

I'm starting to believe that spam is a form of terrorism, invented and perpetrated by Osama Bin Laden to drive me, personally, over the edge. I have a spam program that I bought and also have my Outlook set to automatically divert anything about pornography or Nigerians who want to make me a millionaire. Does anyone actually buy drugs from people who send unwanted email and can't even spell the thing they're supposedly selling? I don't think so. There was supposedly an anti-spam law passed, but it doesn't seem to be doing much so far. A colleague of mine said that I've set myself up as a spam target because my web page is there for anyone to see and it has my email address on it. I'm not sure I agree with the point of view. People can see my car but that doesn't mean they can throw eggs at it.

Chapter 1 - Father's Day weekend

2004-06-21T14:07:00.000-07:00

Part of our family mythology is that something bad always happens on Father's Day or my birthday. In this case, it was true, but it didn't happen to us. On Sunday morning, I was told that we would be going to the South Street Seaport and tour the boats and the museum. My son Bob is an intern at the Smithsonian Museum of the American Indian in Bowling Green at lower Manhattan. It is an unpaid internship, but it carries the interesting perk that he can get in to any museum in New York for free, and usually get us in as well. There are certain parts of Manhattan that I will drive to on a Sunday, and then there is lower Manhattan. We took the train to Penn Station and the 2/3 subway line to Fulton Street Station. The day was absolutely magnificent, and I walked the remaining few blocks with my camera ready for action. At the Seaport, we found a restaurant on the top level with million dollar views of the East river and the three bridges.

Afterwards, we got our tickets and toured the huge schooner Peking as well as the tugboat Cameron. Then we got a good look at the Seaport Museum, which has some of the most magnificent scrimshaw I've ever seen. It was fun seeing maps of Manhattan and Long Island from the 1600's. It was now getting towards late afternoon, so we walked up to Wall Street, and found the subway entrance closed. No problem - we went further west and found another one closed. The policewoman told me that an open one could be found on Broadway, so we walked another block. We thought that they were adding extra security in case Bush or someone were visiting the Exchange the next day. We figured that we'd find out when we watched the news that night. Turned out to be the lead story. Chambers Street, the subway stop just before Fulton Street had a mugging at 11:30, and police chased the suspect down into the tunnel. He lunged at them and shouted that they'd have to shoot him. They obliged him, and that was the end of his story. All of this was happening within minutes of the time we had been passing through. The trouble with New York is that it is a dangerous place, but things run so well there that you are not on guard as much as you should be.

The more things change....

2004-06-21T11:10:00.000-07:00

I pray you to pause and consider. Against our traditions we are now entering upon an unjust and trivial war, a war against a helpless people, and for a base object--robbery. At first our citizens spoke out against this thing, by an impulse natural to their training. Today they have turned, and their voice is the other way. What caused the change? Merely a politician's trick--a high-sounding phrase, a blood-stirring phrase which turned their uncritical heads: Our Country, right or wrong! An empty phrase, a silly phrase. It was shouted by every newspaper, it was thundered from the pulpit, the Superintendent of Public Instruction placarded it in every schoolhouse in the land, the War Department inscribed it upon the flag. And every man who failed to shout it or who was silent, was proclaimed a traitor--none but those others were patriots. To be a patriot, one had to say, and keep on saying, "Our Country, right or wrong," and urge on the little war. Have you not perceived that that phrase is an insult to the nation?

...

Only when a republic's life is in danger should a man uphold his government when it is in the wrong. There is no other time.

This Republic's life is not in peril. The nation has sold its honor for a phrase. It has swung itself loose from its safe anchorage and is drifting, its helm is in pirate hands. The stupid phrase needed help, and it got another one: "Even if the war be wrong we are in it and must fight it out: we cannot retire from it without dishonor." Why, not even a burglar could have said it better. We cannot withdraw from this sordid raid because to grant peace to those little people on their terms--independence--would dishonor us. You have flung away Adam's phrase--you should take it up and examine it again. He said, "An inglorious peace is better than a dishonorable war."

Mark Twain

Chapter 1 - June 18, 2004

2004-06-18T08:36:00.000-07:00

"When I die, I'm donating my body to Science Fiction." Steven Wright

Preparing for a trip to Orlando next week for the annual meeting of the American Library Association. These meetings are a good opportunity to keep up with the field, and with old colleagues. We always manage to sample the local food and drink wherever we go, and this should be particularly interesting because we are the last New Yorkers in existence who have never been to Florida. I was surprised to see that the Kennedy Space Center is so close to Orlando, so we added a day of vacation to visit that area. In the last year or so I've been bringing a Palm Pilot with a fold-up keyboard that allows me to write my reports as things are happening and upload the thing to the web as soon as I get back. Usually these contain a mixture of hard library information, travelogue and plain silliness, but people read them so I keep writing them.

Last week, I was fortunate enough to see the transit of Venus just as the sun was rising over Connecticut. I remember reading about this as a teenager in the 1960's, thinking that the year 2004 was strictly science fiction. Actually, if you think about the lives we are living now, it really is science fiction. Having the ability to sit at the reference desk in slow times and write these messages, which can then be read anywhere in the world in 5 minutes. That's something, if you think about it. That just brings up the basic problem with Science Fiction. The technology of today is wonderful, but people are still the same. I read science fiction until I was 30. At that time I realized that I had started a dozen sci fi books but never made it to chapter 3 in any of them. It occurred to me that I really didn't like this stuff anymore, so I started a lifetime reading plan that I've mostly kept up since - reading the best possible authors and trying to keep a balance of the subjects covered. This helped me later in life when I started writing myself.

Chapter 1 - June 17, 2004

2004-06-17T12:55:00.000-07:00

Last night, I spotted the first fireflies of 2004 in Long Island, so life is proceeding in a normal fashion. We are throwing a party on the deck Saturday night, so that will give me one more thing to do. We only throw a party once in years, so it's a big event.

I see that our president today reiterated his claims that Iraq was somehow linked to Osama in the 2001 bombings, in spite of massive evidence to the contrary. Looks like another episode of "Faith-based intelligence" at work here. The mess that he has created defies all description. After a year since "victory" to turn the liberated Iraq in a paradise on Earth, we've had a few surprises along the way. More than 90% of Iraqis now consider us occupiers rather than liberators. My wife wants to protest the Republican convention in August, and that precipitates a moral crisis with me. I dislike them at least as much as she does, but they have a right to throw a convention and have their say.

Summer is the boring time for us at the university library. Most of my friends are teaching faculty, so most of them are off in Europe or something. I take on as many good new projects as I can, but it doesn't make up for the lack of my traditional breakfast gatherings with the chemistry teachers.

Chapter 1 - June 16, 2004

2004-06-16T04:25:00.000-07:00

Another warm, muggy day, and it isn't even 8 yet. Any day now we expect to see the fireflies make their annual appearance in Long Island. Last year, they didn't arrive until July, but late June is the norm. So far as we can tell, we are the only people who sit out on their deck and watch them, but that doesn't bother us a bit.

Today, I am going to learn how to post a picture on this site to relieve the general tedium of just my words. I'm impressed with the capabilities of the profile to find others who share my obscure interests. I'm surprised that only 2 other people professed an interest in Mark Twain, but I was proud to be the third.

It's a good day when I wake up to find that both of my local teams, the Yankees and the Mets, won last night. As the wise man said, "life is a metaphor for baseball."

Chapter 1 - June 15, 2004

2004-06-15T07:59:00.000-07:00

I'm puzzling over my entry in this thing - says that I'm 61. If only that were true, I could start collecting Social Security checks 4 years early. I feel like I'm 61, but that won't cut it with the Social Security Administration. I do have two birthdays, but they are a day apart. It appears that I was born a minute or two before midnight (according to my mother and the newspaper listing), or a minute after midnight (according to my birth certificate). Given the fact that my mother did not want me to be born on August 25, I'm dubious about the August 24 date, but that's what I've always celebrated.

In case you've noticed that this post is Chapter 1, as was that of the day before, it is in honor of Gary Zukav's book "The Dancing Wu Li Masters," where every chapter is a new beginning. This is my favorite of the genre of books that mix Eastern religions and quantum physics.

My favorite case of artificial stupidity came in the form of a message from my computer at home. My connection to Earthlink failed, so I couldn't get in to the internet. A message came up that asked if I wanted to send a report to Microsoft. Since I wasn't connected, how would that be possible?

Chapter 1 - June 14, 2004

2004-06-14T15:27:00.000-07:00

I am getting my thoughts together as I prepare for my first-ever visit to Florida to attend the Annual conference of the American Library Association. I look at all the programs that I must attend, all of the parties and receptions, and the travel time to get from one to the other, and then I balance this with the fact that I'm supposed to go to a few theme parks with my wife and son, and I reach one conclusion: I must clone myself to do it all.

Who am I, you ask? Terry Ballard, aged 57, father of one son who is a senior at Quinnipiac University. I am the automation librarian at Quinnipiac University. At last look, my Google count was up over 1800, so why, you ask, am I putting out even more of my thoughts and observations? Good question. However, I look at the world around me and realize that there is a need for realistic observations, so this page is a blow for that, and a strike against Faith-based intelligence and the numerous ills of our time.
Failing in that, this will be a record to be discovered by aliens landing on our planet in the future, wondering what we did to make such a mess of things. Sit down. I've got much to tell you.