Save the Martini and the salted peanut

There is an otherwise excellent seafood restaurant in my Long Island town of Merrick that has a vast selection of specialty "Martinis." When I was growing up, a Martini meant one thing - a drink that was 80% gin or vodka and 20% vermouth. At this restaurant (and many others I've seen lately) there are Apple Martinis, Chocolate Martinis, Pomegranite Martinis, Pineapple Martinis and Cranberry Martinis- it's enough to make James Bond cry. These are not Martini's - these are drinks for wimps who are kidding themselves. They want the sophistication of drinking a Martini but the reassurance of drinking something made with pineapple juice. I'd support a class-action lawsuit to take the name back.

Salted peanuts. The major grocery chains in Long Island (Super Stop N Shop and King Kullen) have got together and decided for us that we the customers do not need Salted in the Shell Peanuts. In the past year I've seen them go from hard to find to impossible. Stop N Shop in particular has a selection of 5 different kinds of unsalted peanuts in the shell. After this morning's trip to the King Kullen in Bellmore, I decided that I've had it. I went to a web site in Virginia and bought a five pound bag - enough to see us through the winter. This is a technique I learned in the waning days of record stores.

What's new?

The hardest thing in the world is coming up with a new term that has not made its way into Google. The other day when we were listening to the Pope's journey to New York we said that photographers who followed the Pope could be called Poparazzi. Funny, yes. Original, no. There are nearly 1 million hits for that in Google. Here is a similar form that will be coined by me - a photographer who specializes in shooting recently arrested people - Perporazzi. Ouch. It will be in Google by 5PM.

Signs of the times

We were driving my son home Sunday from Long Island to Flushing Queens, when he noticed a sign over the road warning that the area around Yankee Stadium was congested and you should take mass transit. "Why is that," he asked. "The Yanks are playing on the road."

"The Pope has the home game today."

Pause. "Oh. I guess that's why they want you to take Mass transit."

Sound of groaning.

Bomb Bomb Bomb Bomb Iran

Had to go to war
Even up the score
Now the troups are sore
Dont know what they're fightin for

"Bomb Iran bomb bomb bomb Iran"

"Cause I didnt know a thing
Muktat Sadr became king

Bomb iran etc

Went to Iraq
Musta been on crack
Had the first attack
But I found that they fight back

Bomb Iran etc

Thought it 'd end with cheers
But its been five years
Now I'll face my fears
With a jury of my peers

Bomb Iran etc
Rootin' for McCain
He's totally insane
John's channeling my brain
And Iran is his new game.

Bomb Iran...ad infinitum

Courtesy of Donna Ballard

If these things ring a bell, you probably grew up in the 1950's

Harold Stassen, Hula Hoops, Fizzies, Fruit Loops,
Howdy Doody, Flavr Straws, Integrated Arkansas,
Perry Como, James Dean, John Wayne on the movie screen,
Splish Splash, Pinky Lee, Pat Boone and Sandra Dee.
Ricky Nelson, Sputnik, Sixteen tons and Beatniks,
Davy Crockett, Disneyland, A-bombs and Tommy Sands,
Buddy Holly, Damn dolls, George Reeves takes a fall,
3d glasses, Get a Job, Outer space, Beware the Blob,
Mort Sahl, Food to go, Kukla Fran and Ollie show,
Kingston Trio, Real McCoys, Slip N Slides and plastic toys,
Duck and cover, Patti Page, Kerouac is all the rage,
TV dinners, Billy Graham, Ben Hogan' s Grand Slam,
Harry Truman, Red Scare, China and the Russian Bear.
Liberace, Rat Pack, Eisenhower's heart attack,
Rosenbergs, Queen for a day, Edward Murrow saves the day.
Rebel without a cause, Dixicratic voting laws,
Yogi Berra, Salk Vaccine, Annette is our favorite teen,
Elvis, 7 samurai, Bridge on the river Kwai,
Miles Davis, Psycho, Casey Stengel, Vertigo,
Itsy bitsy teeny weenie yellow polka dot bikini,
Goldwater, Rabbit ears, Etch-a-sketch, Mousekateers,
Big Bopper, Lois Lane, Charlie Parker, Frankie Laine,
Sartre asked the reasons why, Old Yeller made us cry,
Perry Mason, Rawhide, Albert Einstein up and died,
Joe McCarthy, Wax lips, Nixon's Venezuela trip,
Khruschev, Charlie Brown, Coasters, On the Town,
Roy Cohn, Warren Court, Kinsey puts out his report.
Jack Paar, Bandstand, Look ma, no hands,
Gary Powers, Nielsen rates, US brings in two new states.
Brylreem, Rock and roll, Cinderella, Gallup Poll,
On 77 Sunset Strip, Kookie is the one that's hip,
Richie Valens, Gary Bonds, Pink flamingoes on the lawn,
Uncle Miltie, Wagon train, Kelly singin in the rain,
Cinderella, Dr. Spock, Haley rocks around the clock,
Gunsmoke, High Noon, Hardy boys and gold doubloons
Lassie, Rin Tin Tin, Take your hotrod for a spin,
Dragnet, Just the facts, TV dinners on the rack,
Sid Ceasar, Beat the clock, Dick Tracy's wristwatch.






That cleared out some rusty synapses. I'll add more later - verses, that is.